1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at
Kroll's Kitchen. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day.
Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the
kitchen they'll kick your butt.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns: Fertile, Moorhead,
Climax, Cummings, Gentilly, or we will just HAVE to kick your butt.
3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Up here it's called
Pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to a butt kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We
are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to
us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your butt.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living up
here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from
time to time (Jesse Ventura) but we are not dumb enough to let
someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone
tried to do that, we would kick her butt back to Arkansas.
6) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so
shut the heck up. Just spend your money and get the heck out of here
or we'll kick your butt.
7) Don't order the vegetarian special at the
local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat
your steak rare like God intended and have some potatoes with that,
for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick
your butt.
8) Don't try to fake a Minnesota accent. We don't have an accent. Do
NOT mention the movie "Fargo" as that will incite a riot
and you will get your butt kicked.
9) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
know better. Many of us have visited big-city like Detroit, New
York, and LA, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like
it here, Northwest Airlines is ready when you are. Move your butt on
home before it gets kicked.
10) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We
don't care. If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a
lake when it's 10 below zero then you should go home and try fishing
in New York Harbor. Also, if you hog the heater in the fish house
we'll kick your butt.
11) Don't complain that Minnesota doesn't really have 10,000 lakes,
we actually have around 22,000, so if you whine we'll kick your butt
all the way back to Cleveland.
12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves
around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick
some manners into your butt just like they did ours.
13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in
the north woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in
filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make
fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your butt.
14) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us
how the Vikings and the Twins suck (only Minnesotans and true fans
can knock'em down). If you do, this will get your butt shot (right
after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in
a pine box minus your butt.
-Author Unknown
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